Family

Sticktuitiveness: Remembering my Uncle Gary

I lost my Uncle Gary yesterday afternoon. He was a good man, and the only uncle on my paternal side, as my father has only one sister: his twin, Michelle. It’s been many years since I’ve seen him but as I thought about the fact that I won’t get to see him again on this side of eternity, a word came to mind that epitomized how he changed my life: sticktuitiveness.

We were sitting around my parents’ kitchen table in Anaheim, California. It was mid-afternoon on a July summer day. I had just come back from a seminary I had hoped to attend but for numerous reasons I had returned home only to find out that my scholarship to the elite school I had attended prior to that summer had been given to another candidate. Already low from the summer’s failure, I had decided on homeschooling for my senior year. My parents didn’t really see an alternative and I was confident then (as I am now) in my ability to study on my own, having always been an A-student. But at the time (1997) there wasn’t really a homeschool-alternate-equivalent to a high school diploma. There was only the GED. And I was okay with getting one.

Uncle Gary, who was sitting at the table with my Aunt Michelle, was having none of it. He made the case for a high school diploma, saying it was something I just needed to get done and over with and I would always have it, “in the bank” he said. It was only one more year, after all, and even though I had never attended public school, for various reasons, it would just be that year, and then I could do what I wanted, he reasoned. There were some more reasonable points he brought up and I couldn’t really dispute them. At one point there was a lull in the conversation and he looked me square in the eye and said, “You know what you need, Stevie? You need some sticktuitiveness.” The word rolled off his tongue as if it were an everyday idiom, not something he had probably either a) invented on the spot or b) already possessed as a concept he believed in. But I got it. That discussion that afternoon removed any objections I had to attending public school and for better or worse I was a part of the Loara High School class of 1997. That path changed my life for various reasons, not the least of which was my meeting a friend who would one day send me a job posting for my first SAT tutoring job, a career pursuit that has in large part given me the life and happiness I possess today. Could he have seen that at the time? No, and it didn’t matter. His nephew was going to do something incredibly stupid and there was no way he wasn’t going to be heard on the matter. I’m glad he was just being who he was.

But the first time I met Uncle Gary was in 1986, on a first visit to the United States from my place of birth, Singapore. He was warm and welcoming, and two years later he and my Aunt Michelle generously welcomed our family into his home, with all my cousins. It was quite a scene but we had an absolutely amazing time.

Something I will remember for the rest of my life, as will my sister Clare, were his “Lone Ranger” stories. Every night, before we went to bed, Uncle Gary came into our room and told us stories of the Lone Ranger. I never got the chance to ask him where these stories came from, or how he made them so fun and engaging, but we were spellbound every single night. It was a ritual. The lights were out. We were in our bed, wide-eyed and awake, sheets up to our necks in anticipation, and he would spin yarns involving Tanto, the Lone Ranger, and his famous steed, Silver. I wish I could tell you specifics, but I remember vivid details of bad guys, chases through the desert, and gun battles. And he would end every night with the Lone Ranger riding off, saying, “Hiyo Silver, awaaaaayyyyyy!” My sister and I were nowhere near sleeping. It certainly wasn’t a ritual to help us go to bed, as we were just as wide-eyed and excited at the end of the story as at the beginning. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that he loved us and welcomed us into his home, and I’m not certain our family could have come to America at that time, in 1988, without living with relatives. And that was another way my life would have been completely different.

And while this morning I am a world away, on another continent, living another life, I feel his loss, and I mourn him. But I will always be grateful for how he impacted my life, in little ways, and large ones.

The Scottish Referendum: my American perspective

So why was in Glasgow? Holding a YES sign? Because despite not having any Scottish blood I believed in what the Scottish people were trying to do. They were trying to govern themselves. They were trying to ignore the collective wisdom of the world who screamed that money was the primary value by which they should judge this referendum, which would be one of the most important decisions of their lives. As an unreconstructed American, I’m always going to favor principles and tradition over popular notions.

I’ve been following the referendum for over 12 months. I pay particular attention to British politics, because unlike American politics which is completely hopeless, British politics is done on a small enough scale and in a sensible enough manner that minority opinions can not only be heard, but can sometimes hold the balance of power. We’ve watched this in the rise of the Liberal Democrats and more recently, in the rise of UKIP.

The vast majority of those in Britain ignored the referendum until a couple weeks ago, when one of the YouGov polls showed a slight lead for Yes, after No had held 20 point leads for months and months. Westminster panicked. It sent all of its clowns up to Scotland promising the moon. This despite the fact that these powers were never on offer prior to the poll in question, and despite the fact that Alex Salmond had asked for “Devo Max” which was short for “Devolution Maximum” which would have been as many powers given to the Scottish Parliament as possible.

Years ago, David Cameron blocked this maneuver, and we were left with a “Yes/No” referendum (though he stupidly, in terms of strategy, allowed the independence side to have the “Yes” when he could have worded the question to be, “Should Scotland stay a part of the United Kingdom?” The No Campaign learned early on that it’s hard to run a positive campaign with the word “No.”).

Three months ago I decided I had to be in Scotland for the vote, even if the polls were so far apart. It was a day for secession, and as someone who had an “originalist” understanding of America*, it was an incredible sight to see secession in action – even just the sheer possibility of it. I couldn’t have predicted how close it would be and how much excitement I would witness – and how low I would feel – today – the day after Scotland chose “No.”

Why was I a “Yes”? Dozens of reasons. Let me share just a few, and start with the most important one.

Small-scale Government

I believe in small government, and in the principle of subsidiarity, as outlined by Pope Leo XIII, of happy memory, in Rerum Novarum. The principle is a sensible one: nothing should be done at a higher level which can be done at a lower level. Small government is more accountable and can be changed more easily.

Now – it will be argued that the SNP is a social democratic party, and hence is “big government” in the way it spends and behaves. But it is inevitable that a country that is the size of South Carolina, a state which was the intellectual home of secession in the United States, would necessarily have to be more accountable to its citizens simply because of its size. If it wanted to act in a “big government” way, it would be because its denizens wished it to be so.

Because if it’s broke, fix it

The Westminster system is absolutely corrupt and broken. The way the UK was put together was so hodgepodge that Wales isn’t even represented on the official flag of the “united” union of nations. Scotland’s possible breakaway meant that not only was the status quo found wanting, but was actually under clear and present threat.

Anyone watching the sheer panic of the normally smug suited classes of London told you everything you needed to know about what Scotland’s breakaway would signify for sterling, the international standing of the country known up to that point as Great Britain, and the reality of governing what would be a rump of what was once the empire on which the sun never set.

Americans can only dream of such a referendum. The last time they attempted to peacefully leave (convening constitutional conventions in each state, and then formally withdrawing from the union) they were invaded by “American” forces who would later craft a narrative that they were fighting for “freedom” when they were really invading another country to exploit their economic resources and because they were “morally superior.” If you ever wonder why America feels the need to invade other countries based on a God-given mission, it’s because it believes the lies it told itself about the horrible, terrible South.

Because Aspiration brings out the best in all of us

You could tell who had never owned or run a business by how much they threw the word “risk” around. We saw ridiculous white papers from places like DeutscheBank. Yes, of course there will be risk. There’s risk in almost anything important in life. The question was (and is, frankly) whether the risk of staying with the UK was more detrimental to Scotland’s future than leaving it. I think that in the short and medium term (because the long term is impossible to predict in anything, not just the life of nations) the answer is that Scotland would be better off alone: governing a small nation, with innovative social and business policy, backed by oil and green energy, with alliances with Europe and England as she saw fit, not as everyone crowed she would or would not obtain.

Sean Connery penned an editorial the day before the referendum in which he stated that there is “no more creative act that creating a nation.” What excitement there was! What would happen with Trident? Jobs? Taxes? A post office? Defense? The EU? Yes, there were questions, and yes, there was an army of BRILLIANT Scottish people not only skilled enough to tackle these difficult (you would think them impossible, if you believed the No campaign) questions, but who had a stake in the success of such decisions, unlike Westminster politicians who are there for money and benefits, before they leave to join the private sector.

What I witnessed in the final 72 hours before the vote was like nothing I have ever seen in my life in any country leading up to an election: pure electricity. All of Scotland was on fire – everyone was talking about it. I talked with people in the airport and on the plane on my way to Scotland. The customs agent who stamped my passport asked me about it. Many friends who saw, via instagram, that I was now “on the ground” asked me how things were. My cabbie – my host family. The people on the street – the people in the shops. Everyone was talking about it. No one was angry. Except the No people.

And by that I don’t mean violence in the streets. I mean just the scowls from the older people, who came out in droves for the No campaign, who saw my Yes stickers and assumed I was some uppity youngster who wanted to steal their pensions and was voting Yes because I had been watching Braveheart on repeat for the last 7 days. The No people were nowhere to be found. They quietly went about their business and did as Scots have for the 300 years since the Act of Union in 1707: kept their head down, worked, and were happy to live their lives and let someone else take on the burden of governing. The No people didn’t talk with the thousands and thousands of unpaid Yes volunteers who were smiling and engaged in the days leading up to the election. I talked with many of them – and they were from all walks of life – ignoring the lies of the No campaign and believing in themselves as humans and as Scots.

The “play it safe” crowd won. And they will get nothing from Westminster. The ones who truly believe they will either a) know nothing about how the Union is run and what blowback is coming from Wales and England because of devolution or b) they ACTUALLY believe the lies of Tories and their fellow-traveler politicians who couldn’t be bothered to come to this beautiful country until the final weeks of a two year campaign, when it looked as if their entire world was at risk. The play it safe crowd have nothing to rue. They don’t want change, and they won’t get it. I shook my head as I heard Alistair Darling un-ironically say that a “vote for no was a vote for change.” It wasn’t.

Indeed, today I commiserated with the heartbroken Yes voters who had, in millions, come out for independence. The media will paint this as the “inevitable conclusion” but the BBC operated as a unionist shill throughout this campaign, and the real question ahead is what will the young and hopeful and bright and happy Scots I met in these last days do next? The most powerful possible instrument was taken from them by their own countrymen. And that’s a hard thing to carry and accept

But they will. And they shall. Because Scotland is and always will be, a great nation.

***

*prior to 1861 it was everywhere accepted as a fact/reality in America that the States had pre-existed the federal government, and indeed, had created the federal government as a creature to administer foreign policy, to coin money, and to plan for the national defense. It was an invention of the States, and ostensibly, subject to them. Post 1865 and the Lincolnian Revolution, America became (and is, alas, to the present day) a unitary state with borders separating different parts of the country, a Frankenstein that threatens not only the local villagers (the states who now can do little without federal approval) but the whole world (America is at once the stabilizing policeman and the destabilizing bully).

speeding ticket

How to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket 101

There is no full-proof way to get out of a speeding ticket. But, since there are many steps along the way to a final fine and points on your record, there are many ways that the ticket can, in a way, fail. Look at it that way. 85% of people pay a ticket no questions asked. This guide is for the other 15%.

Before You’re Pulled Over

1) Never speed in areas you are unfamiliar with, unless you’re driving cross country and the terrain is flat, without trees.

2) Never drive more than 20 miles an hour over. Besides being cited for reckless endangerment, it is much more difficult to safely slow down.

3) Be observant. This is a good driving skill, anyway. Look especially at bridges, overpasses, and trees which can easily obscure a cop (in areas that are densely this way, you probably don’t want to be more than 10 over).

When You See a Cop

Stop as quickly and safely as possible. Don’t come to a stop on the freeway, but if you overbrake, the worst that will happen is that you will hit the gun under the limit. Brake too slowly and you’re likely to still be over when you’re in range.

When the Lights Start Flashing

Pull over as quickly and safely as possible. Utilize turn signals.

When Waiting for the Officer

1) If you forgot to put on your seat belt, which you should never do, put it on, but not in a totally obvious manner. If the cop asks you if you just put it on, sheepishly answer yes. Don’t lie to him. There are few things they hate more than lying.

2) Also, before he gets there, have your license, registration, and insurance out with both hands on top of the steering wheel. Have your window completely rolled down. Turn off the engine, music, etc. Get off your cellphone.

3) If you are in the military, put your military ID under your driver’s license when you hand it to them. If they are prior military, they might let you off. When I was in the Marines, this worked twice, once to a “I don’t ticket Marines, get outta here.” The third time, the cop asked why I had given the military ID – I played dumb and just said it was extra identification.

At this moment, the cop who addresses this speeder has already started to form an opinion…

You pulled over quickly, safely, using your signals. You have all your documents in order. You say “Sir” or “Officer” when speaking to them.

The Officer Comes to the Vehicle

They ask if you know how fast you were going. Chances are you don’t necessarily know the speed you were going when you got gunned, but if you know, generally, it was around 70, guess 62. That’s a reasonable error if the speed limit was 55. It’s 7 over, but there it is. He then tells you you were going 62 or higher. You might make a face indicating that it was a complete accident. Apologize – and tow the line between obsequiousness and casualness. He’ll go back to decide what to do with you.

Now, at this point, two things can happen (ticket or warning). The officer will run your license, and if you have any recent tickets (in the last two years) on your record, you’re not in a good place. Don’t move around a lot in your seat or call a friend or turn on the music or the vehicle. Sit in your seat. If you do anything, occasionally put your head in your hands for effect. Don’t look at the officer through your rearview, he can see you. Occasionally, you can flick your eyes up there, but in a quick way, not in the way you used to check out that girl in high school, watching her until the very moment she raised her eyes to look at you.

Moment of Truth

He comes back with a ticket or a warning.

If it’s a warning, as I have pulled off in Kansas, Wisconsin, New Hampshire, California, Missouri, and Pennsylvania, thank the officer profusely, even shaking their hand, promise to slow down – and actually do so. You’re on probation for the next hour, at least.

If it’s a ticket, take it; don’t be sullen, be courteous. Apologize anyway and take your medicine.

The date on your ticket is likely anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 weeks from the day you got it.

At this point, 85% of people, despairing, pay their ticket and get the corresponding insurance hikes. That’s what the courts are counting on. But that’s not you. That’s why you’re reading this article.

Work the System

If the name of the game before was politeness and cooperation, now it is delay, delay, delay.

First, depending on your locale, you can get anywhere from a 45-90 day extension on your court date. Don’t write to ask for this extension until 7-14 days of the court date. You can send this certified, but it’s not necessary.

Some courts are automated enough that you can request these extensions online. Check the back of your ticket for details.

At this point, after you’ve delayed, you’ve now bought yourself more time (if you need it, as a stupid speeding college student often did) to either pay for traffic school and bail or the fine. If you haven’t attended traffic school in 18 months, take it. It’s the easy way out. Some states let you do it online (California, for example) and if you’re very busy, an extension can be given, but don’t mess around with this or you’ll end up getting the ticket. Go to traffic school and get it over with, because the Court has to receive your certificate by the due date, so never wait until the last day; you’ll lose.

If you have decided to proceed to your date, this is fine. You’re not going to a trial, you’re showing up to receive a court date.

Invariably, you’ll be summoned to be there by 9am or 1pm, and they won’t get to you until 10am or 2pm, respectively. If your police officer doesn’t show up at this hearing (you do enter a plea), then your ticket is immediately dismissed and you go home happy. If the police officer is there, you’ll get a date for your trial. But, it’s possible the officer won’t make this preliminary hearing. He could be sick that day, it could be a day off, or the the middle of a planned vacation, his wife could be having a baby, or any number of personal things that may take him away. I’ve walked away from two tickets this way.

But what about my lost half day of work? Well, think about it as a short vacation, and think of the necessary insurance hikes that last for three years if you don’t do this or if you lose.

Once you get an assigned court date, find a day that will be convenient for you that is within 30 days of your court date and politely ask for an extension. Remember, delay!

The court may or may not grant your request, but if you are polite enough to the pencil and paper pusher bureaucrat, you’ll probably get your request (I’ve gotten extended 5-6 times).

Prepare

You now have to prepare your case. In the case of speeding, unless you pay a lawyer $500, it’s your word versus his, and you’ll lose. Judges implicitly trust the police (and well they should), and you’re just a law-breaking citizen. Dress well, however; you don’t want to predispose the judge to dispose of you.

Now, we are concerned with speeding in this article, so you either were or were not. Unless you have expert technical knowledge of speedometers or radar guns, you’ve got nada.

The entertaining part is watching everyone else present their cases. I bring a book, but invariably I become engrossed in the proceedings. It’s like Judge Judy, but live.

People will get up, draw diagrams, present photos, read written statements, it’s hilarious. Do not laugh unless the judge and the police laugh. Much of the proceedings are an exercise in controlling your laughter.

Your Turn

So now what? Let’s break down the scenarios.

1) Cop doesn’t show, you win (have had this happen twice).

2) Cop shows, you haven’t been to traffic school, the judge asks, why didn’t you choose traffic school – you say, I didn’t know I could choose that – the judge might (probably) let you…

3) Cop shows, you’ve already been to traffic school. You can request something called secondary level traffic school in some states. This is a 12 hour instead of an 8 hour school, and can only be requested in person. The judge may ask why, and you might answer that you don’t want the points on your record. But it’s helpful to note some inconsistencies about traffic school.

In some states, traffic school merely erases the punitive “points” that go on your record. Your record still shows a ticket and unfortunately, your insurance still goes up.

I found out this unpleasant fact when I applied for new car insurance in Kansas. Geico told me of a ticket that I thought I “erased” due to traffic school but had shown up. In this case it would have been better for me to go to trial or pay the ticket because “points” only matter if you accrue enough to suspend a license, and if you’re on that end of the spectrum, you’re not likely to be reading this anyway, if you even read.

4) Cop shows up and you defend yourself. There’s not really a defense for speeding. The most you can say is that you don’t think you were going over and why, i.e. I was looking at the speedometer at the moment I was gunned, and I don’t think I was going that fast – be convicted (definitely no pun intended here 🙂 ) but not overly passionate. If you say absolutely nothing in your defense, the judge will get upset, presuming that you only showed up hoping that the cop wouldn’t come, and he might raise your fine.

In some states, you can request a “diversion.” This is double the fine of your bail and makes the ticket disappear. Like traffic school you can only do it every 18 months. You may or may not have to be present in court to request it.

Stories

You might be wondering how I know all of this. Alas, experience! Here are some examples.

1) Most recently, in Laguna Beach, a cop showed up on his day off to testify that the “engineering survey” hadn’t been done in a timely fashion. Meaning, every 5 years, the road is examined to make sure the speed limit is appropriate. The cop issued me the ticket (in this case 70 in a 55) in a period after the 5 year expiration but before a new inspection had been done. Since Laguna wasn’t timely in its inspection, I got off completely.

2) In New Mexico I got a 90 in a 75 and wrote to the judge personally to ask for a hearing by proxy, as traveling to NM for a trial was a hardship. The judge, impressed by my politeness, told me he would dismiss the case if the cop no-showed. He didn’t show and I walked (from 2 states away).

3) In New Hampshire in 1999 a punky California driver (me) received 2 speeding tickets in a month, somehow confusing the speeding norms on the West Coast with the strictness of the same on the East. He pled poverty, and got a massive amount of community service hours instead. They worked out to $5/hour, but the point was, he didn’t have to dip into his very limited funds to pay the two tickets he’d stupidly obtained.

4) In Philadelphia I received an $80 parking ticket because the nose of my vehicle protruded into a driveway. One notarized letter ($10), a stamp, and ten minutes of my time, got it dismissed and saved me $70.

5) In Los Angeles I received 2 parking meter tickets. I appealed both, and one was dismissed because the traffic cop had written the ticket so quickly that he got my VIN # wrong. The other one, I had to pay, alas.

Final Reminders

I hope you’ve gotten to the real lessons at the end of this story.

Firstly, don’t speed. What’s the rush anyway? Just leave on time, enjoy music or an audiobook, and be safe!

If you do get caught, be polite.

If you enter the judicial process, delay.

Stay safe!

Photo by Jonathan Cooper on Unsplash

My thoughts on life and eternity.

Author: Stephen Heiner